“[M]ost of our problems come from… where we came from. That means home.” (Robert Smith’s video 410). Whenever I tap on somebody else or myself, sooner or later we always end up working on family issues, regardless of what the original problem is. It’s not surprising because there are a lot of early memories and emotional attachments around family, which greatly affects every area of life. For this reason, I’d like to write about improving relationships with your parents and children in particular (although I think you’ll find the ideas below useful even if you have issues with other family members).

Our greatest teachers

People learn a lot from their parents in their childhood, both consciously and unconsciously. They include many useful things such as how to say hello nicely and politely to others, how to travel safely while on the street, or how to tie our shoes. But we can also learn how to be angry most of the time, how to have financial difficulties, and how to be on bad terms with our partner. And ultimately, you may realise that you have the exact same belief system and problems as they do!

When I came to the realisation that this applies to me as well, I wasn’t happy at all. I was angry at my “teachers” and blamed them for teaching me things that do nothing but make my life more difficult. However, later I realised that feeling this way towards them makes no sense: on the one hand, it does no good for neither me nor them, and on the other hand, they just did what others taught them. So, if you’re also resentful at the way your parents have raised you, notice that they just did the best they knew how coming from their past experiences and emotional programs, and make peace with them.

If you have children, then similarly it is you who is passing on whatever you have inside you—whether you like it or not. So by cleaning out your problems, you’re not only helping you but also them: together with you, they’ll be able to take control of their emotions and make wiser decisions, too, so it’ll be easier for them to achieve what they want in life.

If you want to change them, start by changing yourself!

Even if you only tap on yourself, as you’re releasing your unpleasant emotions and feelings, your relationships will become better. In Robert Smith’s words, two things can happen: either that person’s behaviour will change together with yours and everything works out better between the two of you, or you’ll become aware that it’s no use playing that old familiar game together and you’ll go different ways. The former may sound scary at first: you’ve probably been close to that person for years and this is what you’re familiar with. And sometimes change can be difficult! But if you let go of any resistance and make peace within, you’ll experience positive changes whichever of the two happens: more emotionally intelligent people will appear in your life because you attract what you have inside you, and you’ll also project different kinds of energies from you, to which others will probably react differently.

There’s one particular kind of resistance I have experienced personally, which made it really difficult to let go of my emotional attachments towards my family. I believed that they wouldn’t love me unless I’m like them. Now, however, my belief is that there’s no love in having to be like them; love is in allowing them and me to think freely and do what we think is the best for us.

Also, when you’re tapping, you can imagine you being in their place and pretend being able to see, hear, and feel what they do. This is what we call the Trading Places technique. By the way, everything you notice inside you is all you! Eventually, it’s impossible to feel what they’re feeling and other people wouldn’t fit in your head anyway. And if you own it, that means you can change it.

Introducing tapping to them

I’ve heard from some people that when something bothers a child, you don’t need to worry about it because children are good at dealing with emotional issues. I wouldn’t say it’s not worth addressing problems of this kind. In my first post, I wrote that we record everything we experience since the moment of birth. What’s more, most of my former and current clients have always had some traumatic memories of various significance from their childhood, which would still affect them in the present (until we flipped those memories during my sessions). So, if children learn how to tap, they’ll be able to get rid of their emotional problems a lot easier than years later, after they have grown up.

Sometimes, some of your family members simply won’t tap on themselves. When this happens, I suggest that you don’t force it on them. It’s perfectly fine to show them this modality and what they can do with it, but it’s always up to them whether they’ll use it or not. As I wrote above, true love is about respecting their choice whatever that might be.

Conclusion

Relationships coming from our families form a significant part of our lives. They serve as building blocks when we’re making new relationships with other people or when we’re earning money. When we make peace with everything related to our family members, not only our lives will become better but also our children’s, because we’ll only teach them the wise parts of our family traditions. And one peace of wisdom is that it’s OK to be different from them because we can still co-exist with them in this wonderful world—a world created by our own selves.