I’ve recently read a post on reddit with a question almost identical to the title of this article. The author of the post was verbally abused for expressing his/her interest in something on an online communicational platform. This has inspired me to write a blog post about this, in my opinion, very important, issue, which affects millions of people around the world.

Also, the following applies to both bullying and trolling: as far as I know, the former has a slightly broader meaning (i.e. people who use their power to emotionally or physically hurt those who are physically weaker or insecure, out of enjoyment), so that is the one I’ll be using now.

Bullying as a coping skill

On the Internet, especially on websites where you’re allowed to use nicknames, or using any kind of name is entirely optional, it’s very easy for bullies to project their past hurts without taking responsibility in what they’re doing and having to face any possible consequences. By bullying others, they simply try to deal with this hurt in order to avoid going insane, getting sick or any kind of unpleasant effect it can have on them on the long run. In other words, bullying is a coping skill.

But is it the best way to deal with those emotions? Well, having power over another person may feel better for them than feeling like a victim, but it’s certainly not the way to go. It could be listed among other coping skills such as alcoholism, addiction to drugs, sex, shopping, eating, and browsing the Internet. What is common in all these is that while they all might help you escape your emotions temporarily, when relying solely on them, not only are those emotions going to keep coming back anyway, but they also give birth to new problems. (In the case of bullying, the doer may end up with very few or no friends as a result of constantly pushing other people away from him/her with his/her attitude.) If you happen to be a bully yourself, one of the best ways to keep your emotions in check is releasing them with FasterEFT, either alone or with the help of a practitioner.

Who are they talking about?

Now, let’s talk about the situation when you are being bullied. If you’ve read some of my older posts, you may already be familiar with the following: no matter what they say, they’re talking about themselves. Let’s say, for example, that they call you fat or a stupid idiot. What they say is actually might be true about them—they see themselves as stupid idiots in certain areas of life—or, even if it’s not true for them, they probably still have fears and/or other negative emotions associated with it—they would feel bad if they really were fat.

So, what I’m recommending is don’t take what they say or do to you personally. They’ve chosen you because they found something common in the two of you—something they don’t like—and nobody has taught them a better way to deal with their hurts. Make peace within you, and send that person love. He/she needs it.

Let it go and move on

Once you’ve cleared everything up around being bullied, ask yourself, “does being part of this community give me anything of value?” It’s possible that as you’re healing yourself, their behaviour will improve as well, but it’s not always the case. Sometimes you need to take the first steps not to allow them to bully you again. There are many online communities which consist of great people with good moderation, where things like trolling and personal attacks are not allowed. In my opinion, it makes sense because who wants to be the receiver of all that crap? It’s OK to express one’s opinion, but when it’s driven by bad emotions they don’t always lead to treating others well. And you have the right to choose how you want to be treated.

Again, it’s important that you clear up everything before looking for another community. If you don’t, you’ll carry all your hurts with you wherever you go, and other bullies will show in your life eventually. However, once you’ve made peace with what’s inside you, you’ll attract healthier people in your life (as likes attract likes) and if you ever happen to come across a bully again, you’ll be able to act differently, so they’ll leave you alone (seeing that their games don’t work with you).

Conclusion

Bullies have problems, from which they try to escape by having power over others. Of course, this does no good for anyone. Whether you’ve been subject to bullying or you’ve ever been a bully yourself, now is the time to let go of whatever is related to it and move on. As you’re doing so, you’ll be able to stand up for yourself and easily find the people you want to interact with.

I’d like to thank Lura Owen for helping me to have a better understanding of coping skills.