When we were little, many of us had dreams that were only limited by our imagination. As we grew, however, we kept hearing and seeing things that were incompatible with our dreams. Then, we started to think, “Maybe life is not a fairy tale? Maybe I’d delude myself in vain if I held on to my childhood desires? Perhaps the best thing would be to start to think realistically?” And then, we lowered the measurement of our expectation and resigned ourselves to the realisation that we can get less from life than we’d like to.

There are also people who didn’t surrender to leaving their goals unfulfilled, and with much persistence, even if it took moving mountains, they achieved what truly makes them happy. Why? Because they chose differently. Instead of focussing on reasons why they couldn’t make the changes they wanted, they decided to focus on how they can do it. Eventually, the ones who came up with the right answer the fastest were those who learnt from successful people—by observation and/or instruction.

In a lot of cases, gaining certain mental resources was crucial. These resources are so powerful that anyone can use them to literally redefine who they are. I’m talking about references, which you can “borrow” from others to help you fulfill your dreams.

Back to the basics: references

Everything can be called a reference that you’ve ever experienced and consciously or unconsciously recorded in your mind. Your references are the pillars of your identity and your beliefs about yourself—they’re of so much importance that Tony Robbins calls them “the fabric of life” in his book Awaken the Giant Within.

We can even include things that have never happened before: the products of your imagination. What’s really impressive about this is that “made up” references can support not only your problems but also your solutions.

Some people say they can’t achieve this or that because they weren’t born in a rich family, they’ve not been “blessed” with a particular talent, or they lack the necessary education; in other words, they’ve never experienced it so they have no point of reference. If they create new references and nurture them, anyone could fill in this imaginary gap so that no lack originating from the past would be an obstacle in the present anymore. What becomes natural and real instead is the sense that they’ve already achieved it and they can do it again!

What is “real” anyway?

No matter how much we want, it’s impossible to tell what’s real. To refer back to what I’ve written about reimprinting memories, you interpret whatever you’re experiencing in the present through various filters, which always distort what’s actually happening. If you have pleasant memories about getting hired at a new job, you’d probably feel confident when it comes to having a job interview; you may focus on how well the last interview went, or how great it feels when you get to do something you enjoy, connect with nice people, and get paid for it; and it very well may happen to you (again). On the other hand, if you have references about messing up an interview in the past, or having to do abominable work, not getting on well with colleagues and bosses, and getting fired, you may not be so comfortable with taking the very same interview; in fact, they may choose to hire someone else instead. Both scenarios may feel true because you have enough proofs (references) and feelings supporting them.

So, the question is not “What is the truth?”, but “What empowers and supports us in feeling less pain and more pleasure in life?” Your reality is the reflection of what you do day by day through your thoughts, emotions, physiology and actions. According to the law of attraction, if you keep doing whatever you’re used to, you’ll get more of it. In other words, if you want different results, do something differently.

Learn from others by modelling them

To paraphrase what Tony wrote in Unlimited Power, we all have the same basic nervous system, so if somebody has managed to do something in life, so can anyone else. Those who are successful have done something correctly to become such people: they thought, acted, breathed, and moved in a certain way. If you want to have success in the same area, the best thing you can do is modelling that person, which means that you imitate and adopt these patterns of thinking, action, breath, and movement. By doing so, you’re creating new, empowering references inside you that help you become the person you want to be!

Do some research on the Internet and in your local library on what successful people have achieved and how. Bibliographies and interviews can provide you with inspiring stories or even advice. If you want guidance tailored for you, you can go further and sign up for a training course or a workshop instructed by someone who has experience in receiving what you desire.

You can also gather empowering references from music, films, theatrical plays, poems, novels, quotes, and even video games. I believe you’re stepping into the author’s inner world when you’re listening to, reading, or watching his/her work. Even if it’s fiction and its story and characters are made up, modelling how the author feels can be useful.

For example, nowadays I read novels that contain stories about family and relationships between couples that help me feel unconditional love and understanding. I tend to play games to which I react by feeling adventurous and excited and I acknowledge that nearly any challenge can be overcome with sufficient persistence. So that the creators of the novels and games can pass these feelings on through their works, they must have felt them first—in many cases through events that actually happened. Can I use them in other areas of my “real” life? You bet! Does it matter if I actually experienced what’s in the novels or games? Not at all.

Nurture it so that it can nurture you

Once you have your new, empowering references, you’re not done with them yet. For the best results, I highly recommend you condition them: write each of them in your happy journal and rehearse it regularly, just like a common happy memory. Imagine yourself being that character or existing person; see it, hear it, feel it, as vividly as if it was actually happening to you. As you do this, you not only consider it as a tale that you might forget after one or two days, but it becomes a part of you, defining who you are.

How much shall you rehearse them? I’m certainly not telling you to be in the clouds all the time, completely ignoring what’s going on around you. If you spend a few minutes on them every day, that’s absolutely enough for creating shifts. The point is to make sure you make them real and enjoy them.

That brings us to another question: What if you can’t generate a good feeling at all, or even though you can, it still vanishes in seconds and is replaced with an unpleasant one? In that case, you need to clean up the resistance within you. This is something I personally have struggled with a lot in the past, although it’s become easier lately. For this reason, I plan to share my findings in an upcoming post on releasing resistance while still focussing on positive references and affirmations without getting lost in the details.

Conclusion

Regardless of what kind of lack you’ve been exposed to, you can make up for it by creating new references. You can do this by modelling those who have achieved what you’ve been dreaming about, i.e. adopting the way they think, feel, and behave. If someone could do it, so can you.

It doesn’t matter if your references are based on events you’ve actually experienced or not. You can’t exactly tell what’s real anyway. When you affirm the memory which is in alignment with what you want and simultaneously feel good over and over again, the universe will react accordingly. That’s how the law of attraction works.

If you find feeling good about these new references challenging, know that you’re not alone. Stay tuned for my upcoming post about eliminating resistance and increasing the power of your affirmations.