It often happens to us nowadays that a relationship, which we think will last forever, suddenly ends. And for many, it’s not easy to get over having to say goodbye to the person they have truly loved. Things may get more complicated if there are children involved: you have to decide how much time they spend with which parent, give them the emotional support they need etc. Now all this can be resolved easily: I’d like to talk about being able to be happy during or after a breakup or divorce and keep only the good things from your relationship, which you can bring to the next one with you.

You’re not a failure

People tend to focus on what’s wrong rather than remembering and practising good stuff. I know a person close to me who felt that the world was about to collapse when he got divorced and he blamed and punished himself for what had happened. However, when a relationship ends, that’s not a failure, unless you consider it being so! It’s perfectly normal that a relationship lasts for only a certain period of time, regardless of what you expected at the beginning.

You can think about your past relationship as a season when you felt good and learnt more about yourself while being with that particular woman/man. (For instance, now you may be more aware of what it is you want in a relationship.) If the two of you have been together for years, the chances are you have at least some positive memories about her/him. Why not practise those? Even though a breakup entails the end of that season, it doesn’t have to mean the end of your happiness! You can make sure that what happens next, even if different, will be fulfilling.

And even if this is a theme that has been going on for a while, i.e. none or very few of your recent relationships lasted and/or they weren’t fulfilling, that’s still not a failure. You just had the correct resources in your mind to correctly manifest your problem. Once you release those resources, the old theme will give way to a new one that includes the relationship/marriage you want.

Are they really the only one?

A lot of people discuss the concept of a perfect match or soul mate. Firstly, I don’t know if anyone really has a perfect match, but in my view, there’s no perfect relationship. Whoever becomes your partner, you’ll realise sooner or later that the two of you won’t agree on absolutely everything and he/she won’t be 100% like you. You can however, accept them just the way they are, with their imperfection. Secondly, even if a person you can call your perfect match exists—let’s suppose he/she is someone who fits you the best—I don’t think there’s only one such person. So, in case you’ve been together with them believing they are the only one, don’t worry: someone else can give you what you desire.

Unpack your unnecessary baggage before moving on!

What are you doing inside you when you think about that person? If, for example, you feel bad or see or hear something you don’t like, it’s time to let it go. If you don’t, you’ll carry the resources supporting these reactions into your next relationship and sooner or later you’ll find something in them that will make you react the same way. Transform them into positive so that you’ll be able to honour and love her/him, whatever has happened between you, and remember all the happy times you went through together.

Pass on the wisdom to your children

You may have children who feel bad seeing their parents getting divorced. If you clean up what’s inside you, you’ll show them a good example of how to deal with such a situation wisely, which they can learn from you easily. Of course, if necessary, you can set up a session with a practitioner. (Even a single session may be enough to change everything about this problem if they are young.)

Starting over… with them

It often happens in relationships that as you’re changing, that other person is changing with you. This can give you the opportunity to even get together with your ex and be a happy couple again! Of course, whether this is really plausible may depend on many things, but if the only thing that holds you back is changing what you do within you about them, then it’s definitely possible.

Conclusion

Relationships can be excellent learning experiences and opportunities to share lots of fun and laughter, even if they’re seasonal or imperfect. You can take the wisdom and all the happy gifts from them and let go of the rest, so next time you’ll act differently and being with somebody will be better than before. Plus, your children will benefit from it as well. Isn’t that marvellous?